Not this
by Dramatic person
Summary: A yellowdot oneshot: Peridot is a technician made to fix things, to understand what is going on. But she understands nothing around Yellow Diamond.


Peridot took her missions seriously. If something got in the way, she took care of it. The mission was everything. That was how things were.

And when Yellow diamond gave her a mission in person, she couldn't help but feel exited.

Such as today, as she walked down the halls to Yellow Diamond's office for her next mission brief. Same as the last mission. And the one before. Peridot breathed in and out, energized and terrified at the same time.

The other Peridot's always looked at her with sharp and narrowed eyes. Always told her that all Peridot's were treated the same.

Peridot didn't care. She wasn't any better, so why not let others get the same treatment? She was not suppose to. Especially if it ment they worked efficiently. That is what Peridot's brain says over and over. _Nothing new, nothing diffrent about this. Just another mission brief._

But something else in Peridot makes her figet, her breathing a little harder, her body more tense. She knew she was capable of emotions, but this was ridiculous. She needed to calm down, or risk emberising herself. She closed her eyes and went complele still, waiting.

In the darkness she could feel the fidgeting slow down, her body ease, her breathing evened. She opened her eyes and with a touch of her forehead againt the door, it opened.

Yellow Diamond looked through a wide window apon the bustling homeworld, back facing Perditot. Her office was dark, the only ligting coming from the soft glow of the computer in the corner of the wide room. Their was a single chair, large and dark like a throne, tinted green from the glow of the computer.

But Yellow Diamond always seemed to prefer standing, back turned and armed crossed, looking out at the city. Even before Yellow Diamond was calling for Peridot specifically, when she was just tagging along behind other gems that needed to speak to her, that postion always her favorite.

Peridot had often tried to copy the stance herself. She never understood how Yellow Diamond crossed her arms, yet whenever she tried it gave her a sence of strength and authority.

But seeing Yellow Diamond here, crossed arms back turned, it reminded Peridot who was trully in charge here. Peridot looked down ashamed now for all the times she even considered being anything more then she was.

An engineer, a technichan, useful but nothing more. And she was fine with that.

But then Peridot could sence someone watching, and she looked up into a single glowing yellow eye. It felt like whatever tough armer she had to keep her from acting stupid was melted off, noting put a pool around her feet. She gulped and tried to speack.

Instead she stuttered "Wha-Waht, what is me, my, mi-mission, Yelw, Yellow, Yellow Diamond?"

Periot should not be acting this way, that Yellow Diamond had not done any teasing or flitering or anything of the like to give Peridot a sence of- something that she got from nothing esle. She could never find the right words around Yellow Diamond and she was sure none of the others acted this stupid.

She felt her cheeks flush in emberesment at her stupidity, expecting Yellow Daiomond to look unimpressed. But instead, by all the stars, she smiled.

"Would you come closer? It would be easier for you to hear me if you were closer."

Peridot's stomach twisted, but she could not disobey a dierect order ether. And she could always complain in her files later. She clentched her jaw and martched forward, the way she was taught. The way all were taught.

But her legs wobbled as she walked on, as if her strict teachings were mush in her mind. She tried to stop herself, but it did not work.

She knew it was wrong for her to be acting like this, to be shuch a mess. She had seen how Yellow Diamond acted around other Peridot's, giving them a sence of-

Connection? Was that the word? It didn't seem to fit. Whatever it was, it was something they all craved, somthing they all needed. She was no diffrent. She was not suppose to be.

So why? And why was she not being scolded for it? If she was defective somehow, everyone would let her know about it.

But instead, when she finally stood by Yellow Daimonds side, and dared to look up, the smile had only grown wider. And now both of the yellow glowing eyes were looking at her.

From the jiggiling of her legs, to the jolts in her skin, Peridot felt exposed. And weack from the fact that it took so little to do it. Compared to Yellow Diamond, everything about her was weak.

"You have never been off world before, have you?"

The question startled Peridot, who was still looking right at Yellwo Diamond. Or, to be accurate, getting lost in the glow of her eyes. It was true, sappiness and all.

But now she was asking a direct question, which needed an answer.

"I have never been off world before. No mission has required so."

Peridot honselty did not care if she never went off world. Besides, she likes having everyting going according to plan, easly to achivie on homeworld. Everyone knew theri place and how to get out of the way. The glowing diomond's iron rule made sure of that.

Besides, she was just a Peridot. And all Peridot's were meant for was what was needed. So she went fidged, eyes, voice rigid.

"No, I have not been off world on any of my missions."

That was all that needed to be said.

Yellow Daimond stopped smiling, eyes sad. Diassapointed.

Peridot's eyes widened, frightened at what her words had done.

"Did I do something wrong?"

Her thoughts ran out of her mouth before she could stop them, and now she was a bit terrified. The last time Yellow Diamond got asked a personal question by a gem, she poofed him with one punch for anooying her.

Yellow Diamond looked back out the window and answered.

"I like it when a Peridot suprises me."

Peridot knew the word for what she was feeling now. Astonishment. It was rare enough to be praised for anyhting they did, but to be praised for her unprofesinal behavior eariler? That was amazing, and filled her with a bit of pride. For one instant.

But it was immeidatly squished down with guilt and confusion when she realized what that really meant. Yellow Diamond was diapointed in her. She looked down in shame, not sure what to do next. Peridot's were suppose to act the same, so why did Yellow Diomond want something diffrent?

Is it because she's bored? Perhaps of all the Peridot's, of all the same faces and voices and…was she bored of the samenees?

Peridot's eyes squinted at the thought, which felt to big for her to handle. She was made for sameness, for fitting into a role. It is what she was made for, what the Diamond authority wanted of her. That is what she was always told.

But here is a Diamond saying otherwise.

Peridot chewed her lip in thought and looked back up at the far taller gem. She immediatly regreted it as the Diamond gave her a sidelong glare. Peridot stifened, gulping in fear.

"I'm sorry, I am just trying to understand this-"

"I can see that. but you still need your mission brief before you go, do you not?"

No more smiles and laughter, just hard eyes and cold words. It made Peridot wans to hide away in shame and fear. Instead her shoulders sulked as she scrunched inward, trying to become smaller.

"You are just another Peridot after all. I shoud not have alowed myself to be so amused by you in the first palce."

"What do you mean? Haven't you been treating me the same as any other Peridot this whole time?"

Yellow Diamond snorted, turned and walked back to her desk. With a few flicks of fingers she had downloaded what Peridot assumed was the mission info onto a message pad. Instead of talking, laughing, and giving Perdiot a kiss that made her feel like everything, she was being sent away,

Peridot did not understand. She was built to understand things.

But not this.


End file.
